1. If you saw a woman breaking into a shop what would you do?
A. Seize her.
2. Why is a bar of toffee like a race-horse?
A. Because the more you lick it the quicker it goes.
3. What is it that never was nor never will be look at your finger and you will plainly see?
A. Your little finger will never be as big as the others.
4. Why does the sea get angry?
A. Because it is crossed so often.
5. What kind of wig can no hairdresser make?
A. An earwig.
6. What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A. A cat has its claws at the end of its paws, a comma has its pause at the end of a clause.
7. If a house is on fire why does the piano run the least possible chance of escape?
A. Because the engine cannot play on it.
8. What is it that you often part with but seldom give away?
A. A comb.
9. When is a silver watch likely to run?